Friday, April 27, 2012

The Truth [part 1]

Going through the break up session...

Well, I must say it was so painful, until you didn't feel anything because you know what you hope is totally damaged into pieces. I was so ready, took a week plus plus to think about it,.. influenced by surrounding that never gave me the support makes me so dissapointed and heartless. I was in pain during that time. I hurt myself for several times, and it gets immune to my heart in the end. I lost my feeling.

Honestly, the love is still there. I love him. But I can't do anything. Helpless, yeah same with a little child that lost her mother. I'm losing my love. I passed it to the Most Beloved, He knows the best.

Is it what we call as no fate being together? not written in the Loh Mahfuz as our spouse? Nobody knows the answer except Him. I just don't believe if people around me says "takde jodoh kot", hey, are you a God who knows about fate better? No right, then just shut up and pray for my best, it is much appreciated.

I must say I'm a coward person. Love someone but can't protect him from the disagree group. Maybe you don't understand until you are in my shoe.

Here's the thing, I'm a second last child, a girl with a degree, I'm an engineer.. from a bit success family, my father a pensioner lecturer, and who can accept that her beloved daugther falls in love with a non-exec admin assistant? You answer yourself.

I have my own perspective, but the thing I see might not as same as what other people see.

Sorry, should continue this later... time to sleep...


Monday, April 09, 2012

Sangkaan terik, hujan takkan datang.. rupanya ribut setia menunggu.

Buat kamu di sana,

(berhenti, lama)

ya, saya tak mampu.. menulis mahupun memendam apa lagi. Suratan kepercayaan cukup setakat ini sahaja, bukan salah takdir dan usaha tapi realiti mata lebih membeliakkan apa yang bernama pasti.

Tinggal lah hati untuk sekian kali nya, tinggal lah kisah yang diwarnakan bersama, tinggal lah sudah segala apa yang ditiupkan sebagai impian masa hadapan.. semua sudah tak bermakna, semua yang saya sendiri kibarkan bendera putih nya; kibaran mengalah dan menyerah.

Biarlah kamu ingin memikir apa, melempar apa.. hati ini tak mampu lagi, menegakkan suatu yang seperti mustahil di mata insan kesayangan di sekeliling ini. Bukan salah mu, bukan.. saya yang memilih, memilih memecahkan hati yang bertaut, memilih merungkai kasih yang tiada siapa setuju..

penat.. lelah..

Kamu tahu segalanya, rasa hati, dan harapan kabur yang cuba kita bina. Mungkin kerana itu, tiada lagi pujukan, mahupun garapan semangat seperti kebiasaannya. Kita sama jatuh, tak mampu mengutip hati sendiri lagi, tak mampu berdiri mahupun duduk di takuk itu lagi..

(diam, mengeluh..)

maafkan saya...
maafkan saya kerana masih merindu.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Second of April.

I wish if March might be longer but a wish is just a wish. But if you pray, it is just not a pray, ALLAH will granted whenever you put the faith in it.

May Allah bless this decision. Tawakal tu ala Allah.

please be nice to me as nice as your name.

Good Night!
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