The Truth [part 1]

Going through the break up session...

Well, I must say it was so painful, until you didn't feel anything because you know what you hope is totally damaged into pieces. I was so ready, took a week plus plus to think about it,.. influenced by surrounding that never gave me the support makes me so dissapointed and heartless. I was in pain during that time. I hurt myself for several times, and it gets immune to my heart in the end. I lost my feeling.

Honestly, the love is still there. I love him. But I can't do anything. Helpless, yeah same with a little child that lost her mother. I'm losing my love. I passed it to the Most Beloved, He knows the best.

Is it what we call as no fate being together? not written in the Loh Mahfuz as our spouse? Nobody knows the answer except Him. I just don't believe if people around me says "takde jodoh kot", hey, are you a God who knows about fate better? No right, then just shut up and pray for my best, it is much appreciated.

I must say I'm a coward person. Love someone but can't protect him from the disagree group. Maybe you don't understand until you are in my shoe.

Here's the thing, I'm a second last child, a girl with a degree, I'm an engineer.. from a bit success family, my father a pensioner lecturer, and who can accept that her beloved daugther falls in love with a non-exec admin assistant? You answer yourself.

I have my own perspective, but the thing I see might not as same as what other people see.

Sorry, should continue this later... time to sleep...

Assalamualaikum.

Nilai Kosong.

Terdiam. Berdiri. Tiada erti.

With whatever reason pun mesti bukan kau pilihan untuk menjadi sandaran di kala diperlukan. Walau payah nya hidup seorang dia, mungkin tak payah untuk dia memayahkan lagi dgn kehadiran kau. Mungkin.

Berat mana hati kau kuat mahu kan dia masih belum tentu sedikit pun dia terusik dengan usaha kau itu.

Kau cuba. Kau sakit.
Kau derita, siapa yang tahu?

Kenapa pengalaman tak pernah mengajar sesen pun erti sentap di hati kau? Hati sudah tak punya nyawa nya lagi kah sampai kan cuka yang masam terasa enak dimamah begitu saja?

Hati apakah ini?
Gila kah? atau bodoh lebih sesuai?

Di mana nilai nya engkau di mata dia. Ting! Tiada. Ulang... Tiada.

Hari ini kau berjanji membuang kenangan, membuang sisa hari semalam. Tapi esok kau bangun... satu coretan dari nya, tup! hilang segala gundah gulana di hati kau. Hilang lagi janji janji semalam, lupus sudah tekad bernisan sementara.

Tiada nilai nya lagi.

Bodoh benar hati diperbodohkan, senang benar perasaan dipersendakan. iya, bukan dia yang bersalah. Tidak. Tetapi hati cair ini kalau boleh disuntik menjadi sekeras besi berharga, pasti sudah lama kau sanggup berbuat demikian kan? Ya.

Pergi lah dia hidup dengan aman, kau doakan saja dia begitu. Sekali dia pergi, itu sedih.. kedua dia kembali, ramai berkata bererti, tapi jangan! harapan begiti hanya bisa merobek lebih besar sepertiga hidup kau sahaja nanti.

Dia.. dia pasti tak akan pernah mengerti...

Kerana kau juga sama tiada penghujung dengan kesakitan ini...






.p.s. : .....