...SPEECHLESS...

so far beyond my ridiculous mind, i dun knw whether my decision is what i really wanted. I tried so many times to get rid of him, and victory for me, i win! for only couples of day, begin with my full ignorant and strength but still ended up with no satisfaction. I was thinking back again and again. what actually i'm looking forward is the best thing between him and me. I hate him but i miss him, the love words appear like blaming me for leaving him. ahaa~ wht i'm supposed to do.? what really i want is existing for real. But why suddenly i'm not so happy for this kind of following my heart thing.? am i wrong.? am i so wrong.? ohh god! what i have done..i'm speechless...