Waiting is a Cruel Killer

if only I can shout out loud what's in my mind right now, maybe it can lessen the stress.. haha.. all of sudden kau nak stress je manjang kan hemiza.. hurmmm.. I'm thinking about something that actually cannot immerse in the term " go with the flow". this is so serious, life or death. huhu..

When it comes to relationship topic, yah.. I'm the worst person to rely on. Since I don't have record to be proud on serious relationship, so I put myself in the list of "don't refer to her if you have love issue". Hmmm.. sound dramatic. I'm also in a drama right now! only He knows what is happening in my life lately.

I truly damnly what to know the truth, the storyline.. but the time is blocking my way. Huh.. can i be so patient to wait until mid or end of November to hear the truth story? urghh.. I don't think I'm a succesor to this. But, to force he/she to open their mouth right now seems like i don't give a damn on the quote "Assobru minal iman".. hmmmmm.. sigh in a very longggggg wayyy..

What should i do? Trying to riki-riki by myself, don't give me a big smile and answers. Oh Allah.. help me.. I need to know, really need to knowwww.. 

Gudnite.

Short and Decision!

Kegatalan jari jemari dah menular, akibat kebosanan tahap melampau. Nak tengok movie online at cerita-melayu.com, sangkut-sangkut plak, padahal dah pakai Unifi dah ni, adakah service Unifi dah tak berapa nak sangat? huhu.. apa pun, menjadi sebab lah men-direct diri ke ruang ini.

Assalamualaikum!

Maaf, tadi tu mukadimah tak seberapa je.. salam  pun baru nak bagi, jangan lupa menjawap dalam hati ya. Kerana menjawap salam itu wajip, memberi nya adalah sunat. InsyaALLAH. So, apa khabar agaknya kawan-kawan blogger lately ni ya, harap semua org pun sehat di bawah naugan kasih sayang Allah taala. Amin...

Ha amacam? boleh tak gaya tu saya nak transform dalam upcoming writing? ekeke.. ada gaya seorang pengajar tak? ingat nak mulakan gaya baru yang bersesuaian, supaya takde lah menulis tak keruan je manjang. Tapi buah fikiran yang sama, adakah patut utk menutup blog ini, delete dan kuburkan atau bukak blog baru? mulakan dimensi baru? ahh.. kalau difikir-fikirkan sayang, sebab banyak kenangan, nak bukak baru pun jenuh pula rasa nya nak start all over again. Ke macam mana eh? hmmm..

Takde ape sangat nak tulis kot kali ni, orang baca pun dah jemu kot, asek nya bila ada post baru, topik samaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa je.. zzzzzzz.. dah tu nak wat cemane, sampai ke harini takde sape nak komen, uwaaaaa.. so takde kata putus atau semangat. (alasan!)

Oklah.. rasanya muktamad! nak privatekan blog lama ni and nak start blog yang lebih berfaedah lepas ni. InsyaALLAH. stay tune! :)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil-Adha..
jangan lupa puasa Hari Arafah yang banyak fadhilat nya esok ya.. :)

Wassalam.

Sekejap!

Hello!

Hehe.. lama mmg lama la kan tak update ape-ape post. Tak cukup jari dah sekarang sejak dah start Technical Training ni. Bluekkk.. sebenarnye bukan lah takde masa tapi takde daya usaha je, malas nak bukak laptop dah sebab nak connect internet kusss semangat kesabaran nya. So, jadi lah macam ni..

Since semalam sakit perut, tak berape sedap asek terkentur2 je.. kang jap lagi ada pelaburan lah ni lagi malam ni, sejam sekali kena bangun.. huuu.. salah makan apa ya agaknya? I wonder.. adekah tomyam 2 hari yg disimpan tu yang menyebabkan simptom ni, atau sebab makan kenduri? hoh..

Honestly, saya memang suka kalau kena CB (diarrhoea) ni, sebab perut terasa bersihhh je selepas di flush out kan, tapi penangan nak ke toilet tu yang tak tahan. Kalau tak memulas sgt mmg ok, tapi kalau rase menyucuk2, sampai pening2, saya surrender! haha..

Ok, not to drag the story about this.. heh..

Shepa tanye kan haritu kenape tukar domain name, or this blog link name.. hmm.. tak tau la, rasa dah insecure sekarang kalau rakan sekerja tempat kerja baru ni tau and baca blog ni. Ni sebab kes last time one of the senior pegi google my name and save my photo pastu post kat our college group whatsapp.. huuu.. mmg hampeh la kan, malu kot! even he just want to play me around with not funny joke tu. So, since then, I was thinking if he can trace my blog through my photos habis laaaa! This blog is too personal. They don't need to know me from this blog. Nanti banyak tanggapan pulak, since diorang kan academician.. aku ni baru je nak berkecimpong.. so that's why la need to change all the things yg boleh link kan ke blog ni. And sekarang if google my fullname pon dah takde gambo yang leh menampakkan saya. huhu! so dah tak malu dah.. :P

Why this name? MiaHemiza.. alaa.. commercial skekk.. tu je nama yang terpikir haritu..

Oklah! it's time for bed. Esok nak merempit balik Melaka. Melaka? huuu.. seriously I don't like to be there alone. :(

Silly.

I did it again! allow myself to fall in the situation over and over again. That's an action that if I let people to understand also will not forgive me. *sigh*

I always get myself drowning in the no reason of happiness until forgetting what the purpose. Easily get enjoy on what is happening and not consider the future. Until at one point that I don't want the end, makes me truly frustrated. Make the feeling become so hurt is my expertise.

Feeling guilty whenever the frustrated comes at the end. When the result is not what I'm expecting. I'm totally in mess.

Liking the opposite gender is the behaviour that I can't resist as a normal people. Hey, tell me who is not attracted to your opposite gender? Then your are not normal. haha. sorry. 

But I have this problem when I truly like someone. The assumption that he/they also like me in return, is a big mistake that I have done... then feels frustrated when being ignored by him. Funny but yet that's the silly me. hmmmm.

I like someone currently. But afraid to confronts that truly feeling that I abonden now. When he whatsapp (chat) with me first I will be so happy and the sadness of being ignored for one day will be totally lost in the jungle. Weird right?! I hate myself for the stupid silly reaction. Suppose I feel dissapointed why he haven't whatsapp me like he used to do everyday, but on the next day when he appear back, all of sudden I can simply forgive him and talk naturally. 

Why???!!!

hate! hate! hate!

I know that's not your fault to not whatsapp me first. And not your fault at all for my dissapointment and sadness. But it's me. Letting myself assume that you like me too is my biggest mistake. You should know what I feel but I'm ashame to reveal all. 

I'm scared. Scare with the truth. I think a lot. My bestfriend also said the same. Think a lot and assume even bigger. At first I want to be your friend. And at the same time if we have together, I want to marry you. Yah, that's the purest on what's my plan. haha. A girl with a mission. Not a man with a mission. 

I want a serious relationship, but I afraid the history will rotate once again. That's keep my leg to stagnant in the same place but the will is there. How suppose I can let you know? How? How?

If women can confess without feels hesitate, the world maybe easier for is. haha. But I still hold the power of confession is in man's hand. hoh! I'm a deadmeat.

 Hello.. I like you.. would you like me too?

-_-"

Bottleneck Issue

Well, maybe this is the right thing to do. Change the domain name, change the profile name. Maybe will let only those my close friends to know about this, so that they still can catch up what is going to happen and on.

For sure, I don't really feel comfortable to expose anymore who I am, haha. Maybe because of changing the occupation makes me feel like this. Entah. Let the thing happen like this for a while, until further notice of feeling.

Hmmm..

Many things happen lately. As usual, I have nowhere to turn to, so here is the space. Maybe.. ohhh... why so many maybe??? huuuu... my life is stucked with this maybe maybe. I don't like it honestly!!! The unsure things are not promising. Really. But what else I have? The plan only we can manage, but not the actual situation.

>,<, feel like want to cry. I frequently cry lately. Yah.. too scared with life. Huu, that's not suppose to be afraid off, but yah.. feels too little right now, I'm scared :(

After a deep broken heart last time, I think I find another guy. But, I'm too scared to confess to him. Shall I confess to those who has no signal that "I like you too"...? huu, and he works at the same place as me. That's why I don't think this is a right action to do. I can't confess, it will ruins my future life, it will ruins the relationship. What should I do?

oh God.. I'm looking for your help, please..
I just don't know if he is the best for me,
if he is my faith, is we have faith together..

What shall I do? >.<

Second Week in Melaka

Last punya post pasal panic attack.. meracau tak tentu pasal macam mana nak pack barang untuk pegi training 6 bulan kan, so.. here I'm.. dah seminggu nak masuk second week pun kat Melaka ni. Basically, akhirnya dalam keadaan terdesak dan malas nak fikir panjang, akhirnya berjaya juga la pack barang untuk bawa ke sini. Tapi case aku OK lagi sebab rumah dekat, sejam je ulang alik Melaka-Bangi, so apadehal kalau barang tinggal kan? boleh balik Bangi anytime. Tapi, terima lah cost nya..

Tol dari Bangi ke Melaka RM13.90 which is half than tol ke Kuantan, tapi jarak dari Bangi-Kuantan agak reasonable la untuk kadar tol yang macam tu, lebih kurang RM25.90 gitu lah tapi berbaloi la untuk 3 jam punya journey, ini untuk sejam je tapi mahai nak mampuih.. agak terasa melampau nya, so baru lah sekarang aku rasa tol itu mahal.. huwaaaa.. kalau tiap-tiap minggu nak balik, masak jugak lah.. pergi-balik dah nak dekat RM30, kali 4.. fuhhh.. tapi takpelah, untuk 6 bulan je, nanti dah balik Kuantan tak boleh pulak nak selalu balik.

So.. redhaaa je la..

Sebenarnya dah tak tahu nak buat apa, technician ni tengah repair bilik air hotel ni haaa.. haiyoo.. bosan, aku dah ngantuk, tapi ape kan daya, takkan nak bantai tido je.. tak pasal2 ada yang ternoda esok pagi bangun kanggg.. hahaha.. No! No! No!

Sorry la kalau post agak sampah lately. Bosan tahap gaban. Padahal banyak perkara ilmiah yang nak dikongsi, tapi kemalasan yang nyata menyebabkan gue kemalasan nak cerita beia-ria. Kalau cerita-cerita leisure macam ni tak perlu skill yang tinggi kan. Haha. So, terima je lahhh..

Teringin jugak nak tulis sesuatu yang memanfaat. Siap dah berangan nak tulis buku sendiri. Fuhh.. tak boleh blah kan? Tapi itu lah kenyataan nya. Minat jugak bidang penulisan ni tapi tak terkuat lagi daya nya, so masih di tahap ni je la. Sabo.. Sabo.. Semoga tuhan beri aku peluang kearah tu.. doakan aku kawan-kawan.

Bila dah masuk bidang education ni, macam2 peluang kau boleh cuba dan selami. Memang serius mencabar minda dan minat. Syukur lah memang bidang ni la aku minat sejak kecik, haha.. org kata darah pendidik turun temurun ni memang sikit-sikit agak mengalir jugak kat pewaris. Dalam ramai-ramai adik beradik, takde sape yang mengikut jejak ayah, akhirnya jatuh kat aku sekarang. Well ayah, I will do my best! huhu..

Adeh.. mata dah mengantuk, tapi abg technician ni tak siap-siap jugak lagi. Kesian gak dorang, tp lagi kesian kat diri sendiri ni haaa.. uwaaa.. mengantukkk! bgn awal harini..


okla...

oklaa...

zZzzzZzzzzz....

Panik Attack! Training 6 Bulan..

bila datang panic attack ni mula la tak keruan, padahal panic macam mana nak pack barang utk pegi training 6 bulan je pun.. huwaaa.. it's a big problem to me actually. Macam mana nak declare ini perlu bawa dan itu tak perlu bawa?

Rasa nak angkut the whole isi gerobok tp dah macam melampau pulak, lagipun takde luggage besaq nak isi semua. Kang angkut dengan bakul baju kotor ni, panas pulak bell boy tu menengoknya nanti. haha.

Dush!

Soryyyyy.. tak tahu dah nak share ke-tak-keruan-an saya ni. Nasib lah tempat mengadu asek tutup je, tak nampak cahaya lagi la tu nak dtg dekat. haha. (gelak sarcastic) paham ke? I mean jodoh la tu.. sesat lagi mencari saya.

Sedih sekejap.

Merosot charge positif saya malam ni. Baru sikit pack masuk bag terus takde moooooood. Sebab banyak lagi nak bawakkkk tp space dah takde.. huwa huwa huwa.. kang kalu tinggal, aku malas nak bengang dengan diri sendiri nanti, dan dan time tu jugak nak pakai tp takde, tinggal kat Kuantan. Sudah nya marah diri sendiri bertubi-tubi.

Macam mana?

Share sikit tips mcm mana nak bwk barang utk 6 bulan training di negeri lain. Hey, dalam Malaysia je pun. haha. Macam masalah negrta kan? Iyee!! ni lebih serius dari isu pilihanraya.

Ok. Nak bertenang sampai esok pagi (tido)

Nite!